Read the draft first
The lesson below refers to this draft.
The School Roof
Overview
A focused draft develops a particular purpose rather than collecting facts about a broad topic. Start by stating the proposal in your own words and identifying its conditions. A thesis should give the reader that central relationship; a supporting sentence should explain a benefit, safeguard, or next step. A fact can concern schools or pantries and still be irrelevant to this draft.
In the roof proposal, uses for science and art classes develop the educational benefit. The engineer's assessment develops a safety condition. The county's oldest school does neither, so deleting it improves focus without weakening the plan. A thesis about interesting views would be too narrow, while a call for outdoor instruction everywhere would exceed the proposal. A safety-reviewed pilot captures both the action and the boundary. Replacing safety review with a plant list would remove a necessary condition, even though plants might later be part of a design.
The pantry draft similarly argues for a label trial, not a changed food inventory or medical advice. Repeated questions establish a need; package information limits what labels can promise. A reminder to consult package details develops that limit. Saying labels will eliminate dietary confusion converts a modest navigation benefit into an unsupported guarantee. The conclusion should retain feedback and caution rather than introduce storage expansion or volunteer clothing.
On a new draft, test each sentence by asking which part of the thesis it develops. A coherent conclusion draws together established reasons; it does not announce a new result such as higher grades without evidence. Compare replacement choices at the draft's exact scope. The strongest wording is specific enough to guide the argument and cautious enough to preserve its real conditions.
Apply the method to a complete new context
Read the whole passage before choosing an answer.
Draft: Morning Reading Partners
[1] Older students could help younger ones. [2] First-grade teachers report that many of their students rarely hear books read aloud by anyone but an adult. [3] Fifth graders who volunteer could read with a first grader for twenty minutes twice a week. [4] Volunteers would first practice reading aloud and choosing books with a teacher. [5] The pairs would meet in the library, where a staff member is already present before classes. [6] After six weeks, teachers could ask both groups whether the sessions should continue.
Which revision of sentence 1 most clearly states what the draft proposes? A. The school should try a supervised program pairing trained fifth graders with first graders. B. Fifth graders should replace teachers as the first grade's main reading instructors this year. C. Reading aloud is the most important skill that any first grader can learn in school. D. The library should open earlier each morning so that more students can use it before class.
The supported answer is A: The school should try a supervised program pairing trained fifth graders with first graders. The draft proposes a trial (sentence 6) with trained volunteers (sentence 4) in a supervised setting (sentence 5). Choice B keeps the pairing but exceeds the draft's scope by replacing teachers, a change no sentence proposes.
Test a thesis by asking whether every later sentence develops it and whether it claims more than the draft supports.